1/23 & 2/23 in the belly of the fish
limited social media, unlimited reading, a surprise visit to Florida
I am aware that it’s March 13th. But a lot happened and nobody should blame me. I do enough of that myself. The past two months, I read 4,200 pages and I listened exclusively to a single Turkish nasheed over and over again.
Even if you don’t understand Turkish, I think the melody is very calming — featuring the two most beautiful instruments that man has made: the qanun and the ney.
The writer of this nasheed (Seyyid Nizam) was born in Baghdad, and died in Istanbul about 500 years ago (if the few online sources are to be trusted on the subject). He is also my favorite nasheed writer now. Here are the lyrics in Turkish:
Yâ Rabbi aşkın ver bana
Hû diyeyim döne döne
Âşık olayım ben sana
Hû diyeyim döne döne
Koma hiç benliğim bende
Varlığım yok eylesende
Seni görüp her mekanda
Hû diyeyim döne döne
Mevlâm koma beni bana
Al gönlümü senden yana
Müştâkın oluben sana
Hû diyeyim döne döne
Seyyid Nizam onu kuldur
Gerek dirgür gerek öldür
Aşkınla gönlümü doldur
Hû diyeyim döne döne
Here’s my attempt at a translation.
O Lord, give me your love
Let me say Hu, as I whirl
Let me fall in love with you
And say Hu, as I whirl
Don't leave me to my own devices,
Dissolve my self so that
I see You everywhere
And say Hu, as I whirl
My Lord, don't leave me to my own devices
Turn my heart towards you
Let me be in love with you
And say Hu, as I whirl
Sayyid Nizam, make him your servant
Let him live or let him die
Fill my heart with your love
Let me say Hu, as I whirl
The writer talks about whirling (like a dervish) and the “hu” stands for the Arabic masculine pronoun, used here to refer to God. The word servant is not the best translation but what can I do, it’s a hard word to translate. God has dominicality, while we, as His creatures and subjects have subservience to that dominicality. The writer’s prayer is “make me at peace with my place among your creation, because You are the One who gives me life and You are the One who takes it away.”
I don’t know where exactly I am going with this. Part of the reason this post took so long to write is because I started the year on a spiritual high (still going, thank God) and then saw 50,000 people die in the earthquakes in Turkey. So, this is obviously related to my mental and spiritual state.
This is where I am: my life is not meaningless, and the things that happen to me are not random or born out of hate and mischief. I am not part of a simulation or a cosmic prank. I will not be nothing when I die, neither will you, nor the countless people who come into the world and leave it every single minute. This world is a step in my journey. It’s teaching me something. What am I asking it?
But since one day the world will bid us to leave it and will close its ears to our cries, we must forego our love of it now through the warnings of these illnesses, before it drives us out. We must try to abandon it in our hearts before it abandons us.
(The Flashes, 25th Flash, 6th Remedy — Said Nursi)
Here are two things that I published on my own blog. The process sort of convinced me to make a full transition to Substack though. I have to email some people and ask about transferring my domain. Until then — enjoy 😇
Lost in Space — Season 3 was a blast.
Ted Lasso — Season 3 will be a blast. I already know 😌
Substacks
There is No Choice in Wellness Culture by charlie squire
On guys who wear shorts by Matt Dinan
Are you serious? by visakan veerasamy
How to Cook for Odysseus by Simon Sarris
#138: Do you pass the Turing test? by Haley Nahman
The Bitter End of "Content" by Freddie deBoer 🌟
This bit from Mary Oliver:
Let the dying go on, and let me, if I can
Inherit from disaster before I move.